Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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