Sober January is a disaster.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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