I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
honey bunches of taint.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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