just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
