Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
