She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
