The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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