i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
