He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
