He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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