I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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