The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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