You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
