I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize