So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cockslap morals
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
