My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
