You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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