so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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