our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think people are normalizing furries
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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