Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
