I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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