My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize