a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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