why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
