you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
