break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
