Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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