Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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