For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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