his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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