Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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