the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
