my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
