Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
