does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
