i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
smell my finger.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
