roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
