The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
