I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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