omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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