I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
