She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
