3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
