Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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