stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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