i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
