she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
