LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
