she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize