LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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