i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
