so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
