I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're too hungover to prance.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
