yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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