i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
