i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize