i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
