apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
