We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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