It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Buhtt sex?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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