I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize