I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
