2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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