those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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