I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
