A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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