Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
