Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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