I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
