you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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