i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
