brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
