Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
