How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
mondays should just be called national damage control day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
