I think my vagina is haunted
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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