I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
