what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
