stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
