I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
