So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
