If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
