things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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