If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
