so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
