hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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