last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
