It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
