Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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