im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize