Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
