The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
