after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
