im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
