in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
