you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
