i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
