I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize