Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
