I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
