The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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