just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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