You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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