i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh god it's open bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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