Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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