i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
