I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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